I miss God. I miss the company of someone utterly loyal. I still don’t think of God as my betrayer. The servants of God, yes, but servants by their very nature betray. I miss God who was my friend. I don’t even know if God exists, but I do know that if God is your emotional role model, very few human relationships will match up to it.
- Jeanette, Oranges are Not the Only Fruit
Many at times we lose ourselves while chasing after the pursuits we have in life. I admit I have - lost my focus, lost my step, lost my fervor, lost my passion, lost myself… in the midst of all before.
We are fighting a war everyday, be it a new war or a prolonged continued war. I’m in one of my own. A war of endless tutorials and essays, of striving for quality singing in choir, of tolerating family woes… and the list goes on endlessly.
But as much as it’s so easy so lose myself over all the fuss, I want God to guard over me. No more pining over lost friendships, no more reminiscing about the past, no more brooding over old mistakes. I want to lead a brand new life every single day right with God and God only.
It’s a damn hard challenge I’ve set myself to do. It’s probably even harder than scoring straight A’s within a month or getting a boyfriend soon. But they say “with God, all things are possible”. So I want to try, my best.
Am reminded of how the choir couldn’t stop cheering our heads off when we got the results. I miss this choir. Sounds stupid but I think I miss us going through the hardships together too. When you don’t go through much hardships together, you won’t cherish what you have.
I miss Mr Lai and his ‘si gi na’ jokes. I miss Mr Low and his never-absent geeky smile. I miss Miss Yin and her conducting stick made from a Daiso rod. I miss everyone. Even the teachers.
Miss Ng moulded me into who I am today. She gave me endless opportunities and trusted me as deep as the oceans would go. Mr Loh was the source of energy and encouragment to pick myself up everytime a bad practice happens. Miss Cheng was the enforcer behind all the rules and made sure life wasn’t difficult for the exco. Miss Chong was the one giving advice to fit into our situations. Mr Ek, though I don’t know him, seems to be a very committed and enthusiastic teacher for the choir.
Obviously I miss the crying moments that never seemed to be missing from our choir every SYF. Crying after the last note has been sung, crying before results are announced, and crying after results has been announced. Those are tears of joy that will hopefully be passed down generations after generations.
I’ve sung my four years and I’ve had my 2 gold moments. Now it’s time to continue that legacy, and I think they’re doing well.